Lying IN the Bed
Barb Roberts | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 12:43PM In past posts I have talked about how to stand ‘beside the bed’ or ‘sit on the bed’ of the one who is suffering. But that is only part of the picture. There is yet another piece of caring for the hurting. What if you are the one struggling and in pain (physical or emotional) and need to be cared for – the one lying IN the bed?’ How do you respond and allow others to care for you?
Perhaps you have just been diagnosed with an illness that has no known cure. Maybe you are in the process of declaring bankruptcy. Your boss has just told you your job is being eliminated. You thought your marriage was okay – not great, but okay, status quo, and now your spouse just said that he/she is unhappy and wants out of the relationship. This morning your daughter admitted to an eating disorder. Your son has been expelled from college. Your best friend is acting strange and doesn’t have time for you.
Your world has been rocked! You are usually the ‘strong one’ – you are the listener, the pray-er, the helper, the caregiver. It is difficult to be on the receiving end of care, isn’t it? In fact, a wise woman once said to me – “you know that phrase – ‘it’s more blessed to give than to receive?’ – it’s also a whole lot easier!” Many of us know how to ‘give’ care but we have a difficult time receiving it.
What do you do? A good place to start might be….Give yourself permission to struggle – face it and admit it – not just to yourself, but to someone else as well. Give yourself time to sort through what is really bothering you. What is the root of your struggle? In fact, ask God to help you sort out the ‘root from the branches.’ If you only deal with branch issues, you may not understand what is REALLY at the core. Find a listener, because as I’ve mentioned before, you need to tell your story. Oh, and remember, telling your story is not a ‘one time deal’ but rather an ongoing need that may change in intensity or content or complexity, but an ongoing need nonetheless!
God is faithful – you know that! He has promised never to leave you nor forsake you – you believe that promise! He is a God of hope – you are convinced of that fact! He loves you with an incredible love – no doubt about it! You will spend eternity with Him – the assurance of that is unwavering! He gives peace – you look for that in the midst of turmoil and storms! BUT – sometimes you struggle! The struggles do not evaporate because you cling to all of these assurances. HEAR THIS above the doubts and sadness and broken-heart and frustration - God understands those struggles. In fact, He says in Matthew, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Run to Him and allow Him to give you the rest that only He can give! This is not a quick fix or an instant solution to your pain. Rather, it is a reminder how much He really loves you, how available He is to you, and how He, the God of the universe knows your needs and your hurt before you come running
Reader Comments (2)
This is excellent, Barb. We've been told that, in this world, we will have tribulation. And I love the recommendation to simply be honest with God about our thoughts and feelings when it happens.
A few years ago, I came to a realization that I put to myself this way: It is wrong to lie to others, it is dumb to lie to yourself and it is impossible to lie to God. That last part is really comforting for me. To some extent, I am always putting up a front with everyone I know -- even those closest to me. I'm considering what I say and couching it to some extent. And, frankly, it is exhausting. It takes a lot of effort.
It is so freeing to not have to do that with God. When I realized that I can't BS him and fool him with the front/false self that is always there to some extent with other people, it was liberating. I can tell God exactly what I think and feel and ultimately it is impossible to do otherwise because he already knows. With God, and really only with God, can I truly be myself and truly be "unfiltered". I don't have to worry that he is going to misunderstand or get offended or think less of me.
I'm really enjoying your posts. Thanks for notifying me when new ones appear.
Giving yourself permission to struggle is similar to learning to be honest with God. Often times, it is hard for the Christian to choose faith over fear (as Zac preached), but developing an ethic of honesty with God and giving oneself the space in faith to struggle is key to learning the lessons found "in the valley". Christians can find themselves fearing retribution when we admit our deepest fears and anxieties to God, when the fact of the matter is He is already there (and knows), and His grace covers even our darkest doubt. When we take the time to be honest in our introspection, I think we learn to rely on the faith that has its root in eternity, as your post suggests.
Thanks, Barb!