A couple of readers have asked, following my last blog - "How Long is Too Long to Grieve?: - what can we do to help someone who is struggling and stuck in their own bitterness or unforgiveness, thus, not moving along in their journey of grief?
Have you ever been literally stuck in the mud? You have driven perilously close to a field filled with mud, thinking you could surely make it through with no problem, and your wheels sink down. You accelerate and are left with spinning wheels. How helpful it may be to have someone come along, tie a tow rope onto your bumper and with their own vehicle pull your car out of the mud; however, you may not yet be convinced that you need their help or their tow rope.
Let's go with this image as we think of helping the one who is stuck in their pain. You may be the 'come alongside person' who sees their struggle, hears their need and reaches out. Recognize, however, that the one whose wheels are spinning may not yet be ready or able to ask for or accept your help or your tow rope. They may not realize they are stuck or if they do, they may not want your help. Be careful to be kind, gentle, non-invasive and offer your help rather than assume or insist on being the rescuer.
Everyone needs to tell their story and re-tell their story. If you are the listener, whose feet are on solid ground and do not get sucked into their mud-hole, you may be used by God as a gentle tow rope in their journey of healing and forgiveness. To help them they need to understand that you are available, you know and you care (The ABC's of caring - who you are; that you know; and that you care!)
The person on the grief journey, identified above, may be you! Understand that God puts us in life together and wants us to "bear one another's burdens." If you are the wounded, allow others into your life who can come alongside, listen and care.